Shuswap Facebook Files Vol. 1
Welcome to the Shuswap Facebook Files, where we highlight some of the more colourful discussions in the Metaverse from around the valley. The people that make these posts are not doctors or scientists, but they play them on Facebook.
We'll look at summaries of 5 posts that were posted on one of the various Facebook groups for Shuswap locals. And don't worry, I omit people's names (unfortunately).
The selected posts are not from any particular time period, some might be from last week, others could be from last year. As long as they get people fired up, they're eligible to shared here.
Let's dive in.
#1 - Cloud Seeding & The Matrix
Over in Salmon Arm, the skies darkened—but not from storms. No, a local Facebook warrior declared battle on “cloud seeding” with a post that began with “Dam planes be cloud seeding!!! 😤😤😡😡😡😡” and ended with apocalyptic cloud photos and righteous emoji rage. He later edited it to include: “See. Look now it’s cloudy. Damn planes.” His use of the same word twice but spelled differently makes things a little more fun. I'm not sure what a 'dam plane' is, but this local was convinced that one of those damn things was flying overhead.
What followed was a full-blown meteorological melee. One commenter stormed in armed with the Weather Modification Information Act like we're all supposed have heard about that before. Another quickly countered, "Grade 9 science, dude," which is basically the Shuswap version of “checkmate.” The back-and-forth between dumb and dumber devolved into a dizzying mix of Wikipedia citations, dry ice theories, and the occasional “you absolute idiot” energy.
One philosopher asked if we could please discuss the truth “without the people who are stuck in matrix programs.” Another lamented that “those closest to the system have the hardest time questioning it”—as if pilots are agents of some upper-atmosphere Illuminati. Meanwhile, someone else was yelling in all caps about planes making "xs triangles and squares" and how no passengers are aboard. Geometry and aviation? Conspiracy confirmed.
The thread eventually crumbled into the usual stew of accusations, insults, and unverified whistleblower TV sightings. One man insisted he saw it all on television, proving once again that YouTube documentaries filmed in bedrooms remain the pinnacle of investigative journalism. Someone else confidently diagnosed half the thread as bots, because of course.
What's the takeaway from all this? Planes are evil, clouds are suspicious, science is optional, and most of us are obliviously stuck in the Matrix. The skies may clear, but the comment section never will.
#2 - Semi Showdown: Salmon Arm Declares War on 18 Wheels
It all began with one local declaring they’d “be the first to sign” a petition to ban semis from driving through town. Within hours, this Facebook thread was a complaint centre with over 180 comments. Mainly people constantly trying to top each other's stories about near misses with death thanks to semis on our roads.
The original post described a semi trying to “push” the driver into oncoming traffic just to switch lanes like it was a game of Frogger. This was quickly followed by a red-light-running rig, and from there, the townsfolk rolled in hotter than a brake-pad on Rogers Pass.
One camp wants semis slowed to 30 km/h, confined to the right lane, and maybe exiled to some mythical bypass that doesn’t exist (but should've been built in 1997, apparently). Another contingent, mostly truckers or their spouses, rolled up to say, “Hey, we need groceries, don’t paint us all with the same dirty mudflap.” One man insisted, “Without the semis, we would all not survive,” which sounds dramatic until you consider how much your shopping addiction relies on them.
Others shared horror stories like a daughter nearly getting T-boned at McDonald’s, and one SUV narrowly dodging a semi running a red after "3 seconds of green." Multiple people described semis flying through intersections like Mario Kart ghosts, while others pointed out that car drivers are no angels either—just less capable of flattening you like a pancake at 90 km/h.
Suggestions included everything from installing red light cameras to shouting at the RCMP to start writing tickets before someone gets smooshed into a pothole. A few commenters reminisced about the old-school truckers who “respected the road” before they were replaced by drivers “who used to deliver pizza yesterday.”
By the end, the conversation had covered town planning, trucker training, the failure of infrastructure, driver etiquette, trauma, and the logistics of a mythical bypass that’ll probably be built around the same time we get teleportation.
Until then, everyone agrees on one thing: when you're in Salmon Arm, always check both directions for flying semis—green light or not.
#3 - Dog-Walking Drama Unleashed
This one starts with a modest white sheet of paper taped to the fairgrounds gate — a sign so passive-aggressive it might as well have been printed on a Post-it with “just saying” in Comic Sans. According to the "word on the street," the Shuswap Agriculture Association is considering either charging dog walkers for using the grounds or locking them out entirely.
The internet, as always, took this as a call to war. One camp blamed the usual suspects: irresponsible owners and rogue poop bags flung into trees “like festive fecal ornaments.” Others called it a cash grab, accusing the board of trying to fundraise off our pups. And then things took a sharp left turn, as a few commenters derailed into a completely separate fight about unhoused people, drugs, dogs doing drugs, and Blackburn Park becoming the next Mad Max sequel.
Amid the chaos, a few brave voices tried reasoning. “They pay to lease the grounds,” one commenter explained. “Maybe you should fundraise for a real dog park?” Which was met with shrugs, passive snark, and online side-eye. Others argued that Klahani Park “hardly counts” and that South Canoe is for little dogs — as if the local park system is just a dog-size oppression system in disguise.
The whole thing snowballed into a stew of outrage, poop-shaming, misunderstood bylaws, and references to council meetings no one actually attends. As one weary commenter put it, “Change is hard. Especially on the city end of things.”
So next time you leash up your golden retriever for a trot through the fairgrounds, keep one eye out for signs, one foot ready to dodge doo-doo, and both ears tuned for the next explosive community post.
#4 - Sicamous Has a Free Rollercoaster
Over in Sicamous, someone decided to channel their inner theme park designer and suggested Sicamous start charging admission to its pothole-plagued roads. “Why repair them,” they mused, “when you can just sell it as a carnival ride?” Peak small-town coping mechanism: monetize the chaos.
This inspired one writer to swoop in with a clipboard and a stern tone, demanding to know whether the post was meant to help or just “venting.” He then flexed his civic duty resume, proudly noting that 4 out of 5 potholes he emailed about were fixed. (Somewhere, a public works intern sheds a single tear of recognition.)
The original poster clapped back politely, saying he was asked by several locals to air the grievances with a splash of humour. Another commenter told everyone to “chill and just take a moment and laugh”—which naturally prompted more scolding about how Facebook rants accomplish nothing.
One person suggested spray-painting inappropriate graffiti around potholes to get faster results—innovation at its finest. Another recommended vehicle lifts just to survive the local topography.
And of course, no thread is complete without the philosophical closer: “We pay more taxes and get less. What can ya do?” To which another hero responded, “Fix them with a tiger torch and rubber boots.”
In conclusion: roads bad, taxes high, tempers higher.
#5 - Price Tags Are Meaningless
This story begins with someone just trying to buy her daughter a basic pair of youth boots. The price on the sign? $89.95. The price at the till? A scandalous $139. The explanation from the clerk? "It costs more 'cause it's a bigger size." And just like that, we were off to the races. The original poster, boots in hand, declared war on deceptive sizing logic.
Enter the Comment Section. One commenter tried to calm the storm with some retail veteran wisdom: “It’s not uncommon,” she shrugged, “black is always ‘in style.’” But the mob wasn't having it. “Not a different colour! Same boot! Just bigger!” came the retort, and suddenly we were all knee-deep in a philosophical debate about capitalism, retail pricing, and whether Sport Chek is a fever dream.
Some folks took a detour through Hockey Skate Price Theory 101 (spoiler: size 6 costs your mortgage), while others cracked open the dusty scrolls of the “Scanning Code of Practice”—only to find out it’s not a law, it’s more of a gentle suggestion with a nice font. There were multiple rounds of “Which store was this??”, and the final blow came when the poster casually dropped that she got the same boots in Kamloops for $45 less.
The final consensus? Everyone's outraged, nobody’s sure how taxes work, and apparently, growing feet are a financial liability. And somewhere, one lonely clerk is still defending youth size pricing like her job depends on it—because it probably does.
That's Enough Internet For Today
If you want to join some of these dreadful Facebook groups and see these posts happen in real time, links are below, but I don't recommend joining, just come here for the highlights instead.
Salmon Arm Rant and Rave and Random Discussion
Shuswap Everything Friendly Goes
sicamous rant, rave and randomness anything goes
The Real Salmon Arm Rant And Rave
Salmon Arm/Armstrong/Enderby/Falkland/Blind Bay Community info
Shuswap/The World no rules Rant n Rave n get er dun!!
Around The Lake ( White Lake BC )
Salmon Arm Shuswap Rant and Rave
Armstrong Enderby Rant and Rave
shuswap everything friendly goes
Silver Creek Rant and Rave (and local stuff)!!
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